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Collected wisdoms


Rarely meant seriously, but under lavish laughter, with a lot of exuberance and fun fallen from the mouths and noted.
The cheerful fatalism is spread over many themes, but cannot hide the fact that life is simply wonderful.
A few of the slogans were designed by Sylvia Witt and can be carefully applied to fresh textiles by Spreadshirt at the touch of a button. To be worn by yourself or as a gift for dear people who see the world the same way.


Beloved fellow humans

By Sylvia Witt.

I don't have time for people who just read one book.

The reaction to the truth is more exciting than enforcing the will by a lie.

You have to let go too. Say those who can't hold on.

The Unicorn. Painted by Michael Holtschulte

The reaction to the truth is more exciting than enforcing the will by a lie.

You have to let go too. Say those who can't hold on.

Who has nothing to say, at least has something to complain about.

Whoever is too lazy to speak should remain silent.

Childish are only those who should actually be adult.

In some people's shadow there is more light than in the free sun.

Being hard on others is easy.
To be hard on yourself - that's the challenge!

If there were no unicorns, neither rainbows would be produced nor cookies would be eaten!

Only boring people get bored.

The difference between successful and unsuccessful people is that the unsuccessful give up too quickly.

If you want to expose a lie, you should include the variable of truth.

The politically correct do not live in our society, they exist in it.

Stupid people judge others on the basis of their great knowledge of human nature, usually assume deceit and lies and completely overlook that there could also be the truth.
Wise people judge others only after they have got to know them in detail and nevertheless know that they can still be surprised.
Real people do not judge at all, because they love without judging.

Treat people in positive situations as if they were older than they are. They feel thereby appreciated.
Treat them younger than they are in negative situations. That will make them feel safe and secure.
If you do it the other way round, they feel despised in the first case and alone in the second.
If you always treat them according to their actual age, you will appear autistic or cold.

Cynic shirt.

Beloved fellow humans

By Oliver Uschmann.

he selfishness of industrious people consists in mercilessly continuing with the work even though they know that their hustle and bustle creates unnecessarily burdensome feelings of guilt in the majority of those present.

Cynics are always former idealists who have been confronted with reality long enough.

The biography of a person is the coagulated spirit of his decisions.

The furnishing of a home is the clotted mind of a human being.

Enemies shirt.

Cultivated hostilities

By Sylvia Witt.

Some people shouldn't be that young at their age.

If you're looking for a friend, don't go to the supermarket.

Enemies you can only afford if you have no secrets.

Bad people are always doing well - when good people are doing badly.

He who has no enemies has no opinion.

No one can ever be reassured.

A good enemy is just as important as a good friend.

A neighbour can only be a neighbour as long as he can distinguish himself with a neighbour fence.

Stupidity and malice are everywhere. You can evade them, but you can't avoid them.

The path of life would be boring, if there were not dull black potholes on it again and again.

Grass shirt.

Cultivated hostilitiesn

By Oliver Uschmann.

With us, grass only grows over graves.

The enemy doesn't wait until you've slept in.

An Islamist wants to turn his innermost being to the outside - by bomb.

We are the smouldering wounds of our childhood.

Light shirt

The light of our life is black.

Little work shirt.

Futile labour of love

By Sylvia Witt.

Little work is an illusion.

War isn't good for the furniture.

You don't know how exhausted you are, until you lie down.

Everyone can see the dirt of others.

Only because something is comfortable, it's not necessarily right. The Green Elephant. Painted by Michael Holtschulte

If you sleep naked, you have to change the bed linen more often.

Work shirt

Only work can work off work

If a mighty, towering, deep green elephant stood in the middle of a pedestrian zone, it would not noticed.
Because what cannot be can't be. Like death.

Most people only want to work when it makes no work.

Hope is always irrational.

When the body is crammed in, the mind makes capers.

The shape alone does not make for a spaghetti.

I already had a raisin.

Drinking shirt

Drinking is war against yourself.

People who smoke think breathing is overrated.

If it itches, it can also be necrotic.

Bleeding is better than festering.

Many people define health by the fact that they are not yet dead.

Cat shit doesn't smell like rosewater.

If you have diarrhoea, you shouldn't fart.

Even on holidays you have to shit.

Whoever has a big belly needs a strong back.

Exception shirt.

Futile labour of love

By Oliver Uschmann.

Through the absence, the desire grows. Especially when there is no chocolate in the house.

You can also stagnate outside.

Whoever spits up runs the risk of the snot falling back in his face again.

If you go to bed twice a day, you also have to get up twice a day.

There is no consequence. There's just good cover up.

The exception is the end of the rule.

The safest way to expand your horizon is to use a telescope.

Toast can never become bread again.

IQ shirt.

Complaining at a high level

By Sylvia Witt.

Whether I like something or not is mainly a matter of taste.

Patience is mercilessly overrated.

Those who sow patience will reap boredom.

Those who sow patience will not have the opportunity to harvest.

Caution Danger to life: Excessive patience leads to death.

Patience sometimes leads to the formation of mold.

Everything used to be better. Except when things were worse.

You don't make money with good grades. Unless you're a teacher.

The better you get, the higher the level of restrictions you have to endure.

Whoever submits an error-free manuscript will still at least have to let one error having corrected after the third edition.

Whoever submits a sloppy manuscript will not experience a third edition.

Even professionals have hobbies!

Even if I say nothing, time goes on.

The higher the IQ, the more exhausting life.

I don't need to show off - I just have to be who I am.

The German language is as it is. Also with it, justice can be created.

Etymology is the mathematics of language.

The economic wise are called wise not because they are wise, but because they were orphans and wanted economic knowledge.
One heard wrong. (The wordplay only functions in German because of the tonal similarity of "Weise" = wise and "Waise" = orphan)

B-Movie shirt.

Complaining at a high level

By Oliver Uschmann.

B-movies do not pose any riddles.

The more numinous the opposition, the higher the literature.

Generalities are not persuasive localities.

Today's conspiracy theories are tomorrow's history lessons.

A way of life is resistance only as long as it cannot be cultivated as a lifestyle.

The only place deposits belong are shoes. (The wordplay only functions in German because of there "Einlagen" means deposits as well as insoles.)

Climate shirt.

Complaining at a high level

By Sylvia Witt & Oliver Uschmann.

If you order a German to do something, he gives you the middle finger.
If you ask a German to do something, he thinks it over.
If you make a German feel guilty, he will do anything.

If a German doesn't grumble, he's probably dead.

Cold in winter? Heat in summer? That must be climate!

Tin shirt.

Gender struggles

By Sylvia Witt.

If there were only men, the earth would be a desert, which they would roam in jeeps with machine guns mounted on them.

The only thing a man is allowed to stink of is money.

When men think about tins, it's always good.

Men make sounds, women communicate.

My wife shirt.

Gender struggles

By Oliver Uschmann.

Anything that comes out of my wife is basically good for now.

The unwillingness to consider the advice of the wife is just unnecessary loss of time on the way to the right solution.

For moms, anything that is roughly in the same hemisphere is on route.

Managers, marketing, mothers - unholy triad of manipulation.

Hope shirt.

Motivating art of living

By Sylvia Witt.

You can also work with headaches.

Feeling lost is a decision.

Hope is a luxury that everyone can afford.

Success is when you do it anyway.

You can also work fast.

You have to set yourself high goals. You can still correct downwards.

Rhetoric shirt Answers shirt

There are no arguments, there is only rhetoric.

If you want answers, you have to ask questions.

Everything simple was difficult in the beginning.

Strengthening the core competence is the secret of success.

In addition to the reasonable solution there are still many others, which are always more attractive, but can also be just as good.

Breathing-airbreather-shirt Airbreather shirt

I like to breathe and a lot.

If you have a reason to get up, you get up.

Failure is not an option.

Bitter pills must be swallowed, not sucked.

Only the one who opens his mouth gets something to eat.

Do the Opposite. Painted by Michael Holtschulte

Solution shirt

There is a solution for everything.

No criticism without solution!

If it doesn't work, do the opposite.

A no at the right time is better than some yes.

Nothing is stupid enough not to think about it.

Slow shirt

Slow is better than not at all.

Living is my living room.

In summer 20 degrees are warmer than in winter.

Pathos is the opposite of enthusiasm.

Sometimes you have to lie to get to the truth.

Northern light shirt

Northern light instead of weed!

Only because you calculate something, it is far from being mathematics.

Hair goes, worries go.

If nothing else helps but fear, you just have to be terrifying.

You should let go of the thinking wheel now and then.

Playing shirt.

Motivating art of living

By Oliver Uschmann.

A day that starts with getting up gives reason for hope.

Beer, shooting games and bath foam: the Buddhism of the common man.

Man is only as old as what he think he's still capable of.

Failure is only failure if you don't learn from your mistakes. If you do, it's progress.

Whoever plays wrong can win right

Better to enjoy today with guilt than to regret later without guilt.

Power makes bigger. (Wordplay only functions in German because of the similarity of "Macht" = Power and "macht" = makes.

Kölsch apron.


By Sylvia Witt.

Eyes. More eyes. Spider.

Ambition. Madness. Oliver Uschmann.

There's no bad Kölsch.

The cat just needs the whole mouse.

Poop shirt.


By Oliver Uschmann.

Pooping is the ecstasy of the cat.

Light, Sun, The Rock.

Patience, calmness, Merkel.

Shadowing shirt.


By Sylvia Witt.

Disclaimer: Due to the nature of the German language, most of the forthcoming wordplays only function there. But from now on it would be too much to explain every single one. If you are interested in investigating the puns, please just switch to the German version of the website and compare.

Better shadowing costs than funeral costs.

Attacks of unnecessary, spontaneous submission = suddenness.

Constipation due to too much rice consumption = zipper.

Nibbling after duty = pumpkins

Specula is good. Speculation is shit.

Whale meal shirt.


By Oliver Uschmann.

Disclaimer: Due to the nature of the German language, most of the forthcoming wordplays only function there. But from now on it would be too much to explain every single one. If you are interested in investigating the puns, please just switch to the German version of the website and compare.

The Germans have become better and better at setting signs. In punctuation, unfortunately, not.

Children who hear well have ABS.

A writer's grip strength must be enough only for the ballpoint pen.

There is only one letter between kissing ass and smelling ass. (At least in German :)

When I complain, I relieve myself.

In Germany, only window cleaners can be expected to perform brilliantly.

A noble piece of furniture behaves just like successful lawyers and judges - it hides its connections.

Those who are constantly beside themselves are at least never lonely.

Value estimation is appreciation.

We're building a memorial against the whale meal.

Her only father is called Rhine.

The nightstand drawer is not a dessert drawer.

Like a pitiful lobster you must finally get in the pots.

Your flow is subterraneous like the Düssel.

If you make a commitment, there are cash on delivery charges.

Like a Flensburg cap, you hang massively on the bottle.

Fat fell fearfully on the tiles. It didn't flee from the pan.